On yesterday morning's radio show, he started out announcing the program's lineup:
"In our next half hour, Senior Editor, ughhh god!! Aaah, this is always a—Listen! I'll just be up front with you: They made the three to two cut on The Bachelor last night and that's always an absolutely brutal day for me emotionally, so I need [to be] held up today." *
Don't know if it delivers in print, but it was the funniest line I've ever heard—his announcer voice; the self-interruption and loss of composure.
If he really does watch The Bachelor, no doubt he is simultaneously reading Chekhov, playing Wii Fit, or surfing politico.com.
So I just now logged on to abc.com to see the three-to-two cut for myself. But before the show even started, what to my wondering ears did I hear?
[Ed McMahon-like announcer voice:] "Brought to you by Scrubbing Bubbles®."
What in the world!?
So these chicks and the guy go to New Zealand so we can rubberneck at the emotional and relational train wrecks the show will ultimately produce when everyone breaks up with everyone. This show costs moolah to produce. And it's financed by Scrubbing Bubbles®!!
I watched the first girl and bachelor Jason Mesnick make out in the hot tub, but my mind was still back with the ridiculousness of Scrubbing Bubbles®, so I clicked off the show mid body-groping to share this tip:
Do not spend your scarce and hard-earned dollars on Scrubbing Bubbles®, which apparently rings up a hefty profit, justifying the big advertising push that finances an entire ridiculous (except that Dennis and I watch it, but just not together) TV show. Just so you know, the bubbles aren't little workers you let loose on your bathroom as the ads portray.
You can do much better. Skip the noxious chemicals, over-packaging and whatever else goes into producing and distributing it and then, for goodness sake, get yourself a gallon of pure white vinegar.
Vinegar is healthier for you and your home (and any little ones who may eat off the floor or lick the side of the bathtub). Vinegar will clean as well as any product on the market. Use it to remove soap scum from the shower, leave windows sparkling, and when diluted, clean a hardwood floor. Set out for a day in an open bowl, vinegar will eliminate skanky odors, or just the unpleasant scent of burnt toast.
Rinse your hair in one part vinegar to three parts water to create a soft, sleek sheen. Mix one part vinegar to two parts olive oil to use as a night cream.
Forgo expensive department store toners and splash apple vinegar on your face to restore ph balance.
Have I missed anything that you use vinegar for?
Meantime, stop buying scores of unnecessary products, each marketed to fill a specific "need" when one unadvertised and healthy-for-you product will outperform by all measures (economical, ecological, and organizational—taking up scant space in your cabinet).
I am now toggling back to ABC to discover which bachelorette will be left on a New Zealand cliff (hanger), bereft of the winning object...ah, prize, er—love of her life, soulmate and future ex-fiancé.
*You can catch this segment free on iTunes—The Dennis Miller Show - 02/17/09.
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